Movello..Hi there.
What a lot to have had to go through.I wish you were near me.You sound so sad,I wish I could help you practically.
I lost my mother too;very sad cancer death; and felt so ripped apart by it that sometimes I could'nt remember what to do with my self or my life.I feel that sometimes i'm the only one who remembers her or still misses her. Most of the time I block it out as if I think about it too much I can't handle it.
I guess your feeling a little like that too.
I don't know how long it will take to ease off; and do I want to hurt less?
would that mean I cared less?
Sometimes I feel that I carry on hurting so much about it as it's the only way I can still show how much I miss her and how much she meant to me...
But you are right;Movello; your mother and mine would'nt want us to be this sad.
I try to think of all the things she taught me that I needed to grow up into a decent human being-and how to teach my children the things she taught me.
I remember the times she helped others and put others first and try to do this too.
I think the thing that kept me going over time was she would have been cross with me for giving up on life ; when she had loved hers and lost it so early.
Right now I try to live each day without her a bit better than the last one;she'd be proud of me.
Just as your mother would be proud of you for all the love you gave her and your sister and how you looked after them; and just think how happy your mother would be to see you alive and well;it's all mothers and family want for us; is'nt it?
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